Dear Agony.. Just Let Go of Me.

Today has been a very bad day pain-wise. I've been hurting along the lines of how badly I was hurting right after the accident. Luckily, I've gotten used to pain enough that I can now bear it without screaming and crying. I guess that's a good thing. Isn't it a little unfair though, that a person should have to bear such pain so often that they can tolerate it? One thing I've learned through all of this is that tears and screams don't lessen the pain, so I just put on a happy face and go on with my day. It's not always easy to do. There are moments when I just want to curl up in the fetal position and sob, but like I said, I know it doesn't do any good. So I've found that I just put in my headphones, turn up the music, and try to forget it.

Music is something that I'd sort of gotten away from through all of this. I guess it just wasn't as accessible to me now as it was before. I used to love jamming out on the way to work, or the way home, or even at work. I just haven't been listening to it much since the accident. But now I've seen that it's still something I love. It's something that can provide an escape when little else can. In fact, this song, Dear Agony, is perfectly descriptive of how I feel lately. It's such a beautiful song, and I love this guy's voice. If you care to, here's a link to listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbPuTwo1bxs The video is pretty powerful too, since it's from 7 Pounds. Great movie, by the way.

Music has always been a great way to express yourself. One of these days, I'm going to get back in to playing guitar.

I'm realizing more and more how much I miss things. I can't wait for a time when I can just get up and walk, without having to be concerned if my walker is going to fit through somewhere, or if it's too slippery and I'm going to lose my balance. I would love to go visit Bo and spend some time with him, but I can't drive, so I can't. I want to be able to go back to work. I want to I get so tired of people turning their noses up at me when I'm in my wheelchair in public. It's not like I'm lazy. I'm stuck here for now. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to get the news that I'd be stuck in this thing permanently. I don't think I'd be able to take it. The only thing that keeps my sanity now is that I know, one day, it's going to be over. I'll never be quite the same, and will never be able to do all the things I did before the accident, but one day, it will get better. If that hope was taken from me, I honestly think I'd lose it.