Everybody Scream!

Happy Halloween, Constant Reader. (I've always loved how Stephen King used that term of affection for his readers. I think I'll use it, too. Yes, I just stole King's swag.) Halloween is definitely one of my favorite days of the year, and I'd bought an amazing Robin (from Batman) costume 2 days before the accident. I'd spent over $100 on it, and was so excited for my Halloween plans. Of course, they didn't end up going how I thought they would. But, before I get in to how my Halloween did actually go, I'll fill you in on the last few days.

Friday, my Dad picked me up to take me to my parents' house for the weekend. I was pretty excited to be getting out of the house. Before we went there, Dad took me by headquarters. I was so excited to see everyone. I was embarrassed to be going there in a wheelchair, but it was amazing to sit in the bay with my co-workers and just hang out. It almost felt like normal again. I thoroughly enjoyed it. We made it back to Mom & Dad's, the ride was mostly uneventful, except when we got in the driveway. It was pretty bumpy, and from sitting in the wheelchair for so long and then hitting the bumps, I was really stiff and in a lot of pain by the time we got to the house. But I got back in to the wheelchair and in to the house. Two very good friends came by to hang out, and we had quite a few laughs. I slept pretty well that night, still in a recliner, but I didn't roll over and hurt myself or anything, so that's always a plus.

Saturday, I did a lot of wood burning, and had some other friends come by. It's always so great to see them. Have I ever mentioned that I have some of the best friends ever?? Most of the day was pretty uneventful, but at one point the pain was so bad that when I needed to take a smoke break, I had to use the wheelchair to get outside, because I couldn't even walk. Dad and I watched Halloween II (the Rob Zombie version) and it showed a girl in a leg cast running down stairs to escape Michael Myers. I call b.s. on that one, because I couldnt even go that fast out of a cast. I know now that broken bones in the lower extremities are entirely too painful to allow a rapid egress of that nature. So, another thing I can chalk up to being lost due to the accident: my naivety of believing that when injured, you can still get away from the Bad Guys. Yeah, it doesn't happen like that. I have enough of a hard time making it to the bathroom in time to avoid losing my bladder, much less running for my life from a bad guy. I guess I would have to play dead and hope they had the intelligence of bears.

Anyways, I digress... Back to Sunday. I came back to Mimi's. I was sad to leave Mom's, because I do love my parents to death. My little brother, Christopher, was such a good help to me. Mom kept moving my walker against the wall, out of my reach, and he would go get it for me and bring it to me. He was so sweet. I love that kid to death. He's a tough kid, but he was being so sweet. Once I got back to Mimi's, Rachael came over and brought two of her daughters over. They were so sweet and so adorable! Her oldest daughter sang a brilliant rendition of Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" for us and I was almost in tears from laughing. I loaded them down with candy, and they said I was their new favorite aunt. It made my day. I was sad to see them go. I wanted to keep them!! At least Rachael knows once I get recovered, she has a more than willing babysitter! Also, some things I ordered for two very dear friends' daughter came in finally. They're supposed to be coming up Wednesday to visit, and I can't wait to give them to her!

I guess that brings us up to today. I woke up around 7 a.m. to shooting pains in my hip, and a throbbing pain extending from the back of my thigh to the back of my calf. It was pure agony. I couldn't get comfortable, and no position allowed the pain to lighten up. My old partner, Joey (from when I was still on A Shift) came over at about 1030. It was great to see him. He was one of the first people on scene when we had the accident, and I thank God that he was there. It comforted me to see him there, and it comforted me even more this morning to see him here. We caught up on what we're missing, and just hung out. He bought me a pink and purple horn to attach to my walker. It's pretty awesome. I'm debating going to buy a basket now. People were talking about that and joking, but in all seriousness, I think it would be a good idea. It's hard to carry my Kindle, cigarettes, phone, etc. when I'm attempting to leave the house or even when I'm going in to a doctor's appointment and using the walker. I mean, both hands are occupied with holding on to the walker, so... I need more room. As much of a joke as I've made out of it, I'm really thinking I need one! Heather came over around 1130 or 12, and hung out. The three of us together had a great time! Then, the physical therapist showed up. (Insert dramatic background music here) She took me in to the back bedroom, which I assume she does so that the screams and moans of pain will be muffled to those in the main part of the house. The pain was so bad that I wasn't able to do as much as I could last Thursday when she was here. Then, I was able to do about 30 reps of each exercise, but today I was only able to do about 15. I was having severe pain in my hip, knee, and still along the back of my left leg. I don't know where the knee pain is coming from, since I've never had problems with my knees. I know I already have arthritis in my left ankle from breaking it twice, and somehow I have it in my neck as well. I had no idea about my neck until they ran the scans after the accident. Guess you learn something new every day. The therapist said the extra pain today must have been from the weather, because all of her patients were in more pain than usual today. I am truly hoping that the pain won't be this severe every time it rains. I don't think I could handle that. Once we finished with the lying down leg exercises, we went back to the living room, where Joey and Heather enjoyed laughing at me. I asked the therapist if her real name was Beezlebub, and when she laughed, I said, "No, of course not... (dropped my voice and dragged out the syllables here) They call you Leeegggiiooonn!" I was only kidding... Partially. I got to move from the low level green resistance band to the medium strength blue resistance band for my arm exercises. The therapist said that next time (Wednesday), I'll be moving on to black, which is a higher level of resistance. Heather did my arm work outs with me, and I can honestly say, it was the first time I've ever laughed during physical therapy. It helped to have someone doing it with me, and making me laugh. Then I had to do some standing exercises, which were horrible. I had to stand and raise my left knee to hip level, and it was definitely not easy. I was gritting my teeth through the pain, but I wanted to tap out. I tried to keep reminding myself of my mantra, "No pain, no gain". Then I had to hold my back straight and my left leg straight and kick it out behind me. Again, agony ensued. Next, I had to move it out to the side while keeping it straight. I was glad Heather and Joey were there, because if they hadn't been there, I'd have most likely been crying. By the time I finished, I was definitely hurting. Joey left after that, and Heather and I hung out for a bit more before she had to go. I knew Mimi was going to take Ian (my 7 year old uncle) trick or treating with Christopher and Katlin in Cameron, so I opted to go with them so I wouldn't just be sitting on the couch here doing nothing. Brandon came by before we left, and it was a great surprise. He's hilarious. But we had to leave not too long after he got here. I had Mimi drop me off to hang out with a very, very dear friend, whom I call L Geezy, while they did that. He looked quite shocked to see me sitting there with my good leg crossed over the bad one, and even more so when I was able to cross my bad leg over my good one. It hurt, but I could do it. That's what matters. Everyone says I'm recovering way more quickly than they imagined I would be, but in all reality, I have good days and bad days. Some days, I can do more with less pain. Others, I do less with more pain. It was nice to hang out, and discuss important issues such as a book he's inspiring me to write (an EMS thriller; so far I'm having some decent ideas!), safety concerns, etc. It's always an enthralling conversation with him, even when it's trivial matters. I thought this friend was awesome before, even though we'd only worked together once, but since this accident, he's been outstanding moral support. I can honestly say that he's my best friend. I can talk to him about all the nitty gritty details of my nightmares and depression, and he finds a way to push me. I wouldn't trade his support for the world. I hope one day I can find a way to show him how much I appreciate him.

Overall, while I didn't get to attend Skinful in Charleston, and I didn't get to go out and do anything, not even help take my brother, sister, and uncle trick or treating, I still enjoyed my day. It's great to have so many friends who care about cheering me up when I'm down, trying to make sure I still get to enjoy things, and can share my joy in little milestones on the road to recovery. I'm in much better spirits since I've started my woodburning, and I'll be working on glass etching in the next few days. It's so rewarding to hold something beautiful in your hands and be able to think and know, "I did this." I finally made a Facebook page for my "business", where I'll be making custom gifts. It's called Gifts From the Heart by Kay.

It's hard to believe it's already been 3 weeks since the accident. Exactly 21 days. To think of how easy it could have gone a different way, with me not existing for the last 21 days, really is a slap in the face. It's teaching me to not take things for granted, and to appreciate every little thing. I also have gotten in to the mindset that I need to enjoy life. I've always been the type to keep my eyes so focused on the future, that I tend to miss life that's going on around me now. Several people have said that maybe this was God's way of telling me to slow down and enjoy life for once. Maybe they're right. Either way, I'm planning on enjoying and living life to the fullest, even though right now I can't do all I would like to. One day, I'll be able to do the things I want, but for right now, doing my crafts and working on my relationships with friends and family is rewarding enough. I realize what's truly important to me. And that makes a major difference in my attitude towards this. I am going to get better one day. I refuse to consider any other possibility. I may have a few setbacks here and there, but one day, it will get better. Like the quote says, "Optimism is essential to achievement. It is the foundation of courage and progress."

Tomorrow is another doctor's appointment. I'll be visiting my orthopedic surgeon. Hopefully the staples will be removed. I feel as though they should have been removed quite a bit ago. All 48 of them. I'm also hoping that the pain will subside some once they are out. They started to itch a few days ago, and they're driving me insane. Let's hope the appointment goes well!

Have a good night, Constant Reader, and I hope this Halloween night was most enjoyable for you.

A Day at a Time

My physical therapist came this morning. I shocked myself even by being able to bend the knee on my left leg by myself. When she was here Monday, I was unable to slide my leg that way, or to slide it side to side. Today I was able to. Improvements are being made. I was so excited that I called for Mimi to come watch. Is it sad that at 21 years old, I was elated over being able to bend my knee without reaching down and manually moving it? Maybe so, but oh well.

Got a visit from one of my best friends today. It was nice to be able to vent. I get so frustrated just sitting on this couch. I'm supposed to be going to stay with my mom this weekend. It will be nice to get out for a bit. I can park my butt on another couch for a change.

Sorry this post is so short, but I'm exhausted. Heading to bed super early.

And it gets better...

Today was a long day. Woke up early to a visit from Renee. Funny how I used to pick at her all the time about being old and breaking a hip... Karma, is all I can say.

Went to the ophthalmologist at USC, got a clean bill from her. I was pretty upset because not only was I stuck sitting in the waiting room for over an hour in a very uncomfortable wheelchair (the worker's comp people called and gave the office the information, but according to them, they didn't feel the need to write it down, so they delayed me until they got/processed the information a second time), but I was also kept waiting in the ophthalmologist's chair for 45 minutes. I don't know how many of my readers have ever had a broken hip & pelvis, but for those who haven't, if you sit on a hard surface for more than about 5 minutes, it's excruciating. Especially to sit straight up. I have to lean to the right even when I'm sitting in the padded recliner at home. So the chair in the office was miserable. It felt like I had a white hot iron rod shoving in to my hip. Thank God Mimi went outside the office and asked them to hurry since I was uncomfortable and my pain meds had worn off by the time they finally took me back there. I hated how the receptionists just treated us like we were subpar humans. I don't know what makes people think they're better than others, but that's another issue I ran in to later in the day. The first eye doctor that came in put "numbing" drops in my eyes, and tested the pressure. When he tested the first eye, I flinched and blinked. He made a comment along the lines of, "Oh, you can't feel that! I put a numbing drop in there!" I responded with, "Bullshit! I felt it!" He put 3 drops in the right eye before testing that one. I was not amused. When the second one came in, she was much more accommodating. She basically told me that everything was okay when I was in the hospital, and she didn't really know why I was there.

Once we left the office, I took another dose of pain meds, and we went to Hobby Lobby. I had to have Isabella push me around in the wheelchair, because there's absolutely no way I could have used the walker to go that far. I can still only make it about 50 ft before I feel weak & lightheaded. I needed something to occupy my hands and mind, though. Anyone who knows me knows I have trouble just sitting still. I bought a glass etcher and some mirrors to work with, as well as some boxes and assorted things to do woodburning. I'm considering maybe starting a small business making custom gifts since it's almost Christmas time. I have to find some way to pay my bills, since there's no telling when Worker's Comp is going to kick in. And when it does, it's barely going to be enough to make my car payment and cell phone bill, much less buy Christmas gifts and whatnot. I hate this. I've always worked hard and worked a ton of overtime so that I wouldn't have to worry about money, and now I'm stuck. It's not like I can get a part time job to make up the difference. I can't do anything that I can't reach and work from the couch. It's depressing. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Once I finally made it home, I was absolutely exhausted. I had a package from one of my best friends, Alicia. It had a sock monkey and a card that brought me to tears. It definitely made my day. I definitely needed that perk. I snuggled up with my monkey and took a 5 hour nap. I just woke up a little bit ago, and am heading back that way now. Hope everyone has a good night.

One Day At A Time...

Last night, I would have to say, was the best night home I've had. My uncle Philip woke me at 5am for my pain medication, and I was awoken again at 9am by a well-timed phone call for my next dose. So by the time I got up, I was in less pain than usual. I slept in the recliner, which kept me from rolling over or anything. A very dear friend, Larry, came to visit first thing this morning. It was great to have a conversation with someone who thinks so similarly. We discussed things such as what improvements should be made to make ambulances safer. Honestly, that's something I'd never thought of until my accident. Before, I just assumed that the government had our best interests at heart and that the truck would be a safe place. I was wrong. So many of the things he pointed out to me made me realize that in reality, they're a very unsafe place to be. The laughs were numerous, because it's f
unny how similarly we think.

Once he left Heather drove up from Ridgeland. I can't believe she made that drive to come hang out. We talked about crafts, and she made me laugh by saying I didn't look like the crafty type, because usually the crafty types are "old". Well, usually the people with broken hips are old, too! Guess I'm old all the way around now. Which I definitely do feel like. I'm feeling the effects of the weather change in my hip already. I only know that that's what's causing it because I already have arthritis in my left ankle from a four wheeler accident years ago, and it feels similar. So not only am I dealing with pain in the hip from the break and recent surgery, I'm already feeling the arthritis in it. This is definitely going to be a long process.

I have an appointment with an ophthalmologist tomorrow. My first appointment since being discharged from the hospital. I suppose they're going to be making sure there are no changes in my vision and no complications from the orbital fracture. The best part of the orbital fracture is that I can't blow my nose for a month. They said there was a chance the muscles and nerves around my eye could get pinched in the fracture if I did. I hate that they didn't show me any X-Rays or anything of my fractures. Larry and I talked this morning about how even with my pelvis fracture, I have no idea exactly where it is or how severe it is. I was never shown anything, they only said, "Your pelvis is fractured." Seems like they would have been more informative, but then again, I thought the q

uality of patient care would have been better, too.

Another issue I'm running in to is taking my intermediate written test. I passed the class and the practicals, but I don't know how I'm going to take the written. Tomorrow will be the first time I've been in a car since I was discharged from the hospital, and I don't know how I'll do. I'm hoping it'll be an easy trip, so that way I can at least try to make it up there for the test. I guess I'll have to use the wheelchair, like I'm going to have to do for doctor's appointments. I only have until the end of the year to take the written, otherwise I will have wasted all the time I spent in class and taking practicals. Let's hope I can do it!

I would definitely have to say that today was one of the best days I've had so far, regardless of the pain. I've made some progress on the blanket I started, and it's making me feel great. Just being able to do something that I can look at and see that I'm not just rotting away is very rewarding.

This is what it looks like so far. That, coupled with being able to sleep and not missing my pain meds, made for an improved day. I also took a 4 hour nap this afternoon. I fell asleep around 3:30pm and slept until 7:30pm. I guess my body needed the sleep. I'm still feeling pretty tired though, so it's going to be an early night. Tomorrow, after my appointment, Mimi said she would take me by Hobby Lobby if I feel up to it, so I'm pretty excited. I can get more things to work on. I'm brainstorming for Christmas ideas since it's not that far away. Since I'm out of work and am going to be pretty broke, people are going to be getting handmade Christmas gifts. Last year, the things I made for people turned out pretty well. I did some woodburning. I'm going to try to make things that I know people will like. To me, I'd prefer something handmade, since I know it's one of a kind and someone took the time to make it especially for me. But that's just my opinion.

Well, my hip is throbbing, so I'm going to spend some quality time with my Kindle then go to bed. Long day ahead tomorrow.

When Night Falls..

Finally got the pain under control this afternoon. Ashley came to visit and it was nice to just hang out and shoot the breeze. Until Satan showed up in the form of a tiny, pregnant Asian lady, a.k.a. my physical therapist. That was a pain heretofore unimaginable. It wasn't too bad at first, until she started the exercise where I have to slide my leg to the side. I was lying there with tears rolling down my cheeks, but kept in mind that this is what's going to help me walk again. She assigned me a few exercises to do daily and gave me a resistance band to help build my upper body strength as well. She said she took it easy on me today, since my pain level was already high. I shudder to think what it'll be like when she isn't "taking it easy".

Other than that, the day went fairly well. I had visits from some of my best friends, and it perked my mood up after the painful experience with therapy. It was nice to laugh a little. Mimi went to town during my visit and brought back some yarn, so I can at least crochet while I rot away on this couch. When I had a million things going on such as work and class, I always wished I had more time to read, but now that I have nothing but time, I'm finding it hard to focus. Just knowing that I cannot get up and do as I wish makes me want to get up even more. I'm attempting to channel it into motivation to recover as quickly as I can. I did begin to work on the blanket that I have planned, and even that has improved my mood a bit, because at least it will be something concrete that I can look at and say, "I did something." I'm worrying about how I'm going to manage things this holiday season, like Christmas shopping, without a paycheck.

So many things got put on hold because of this. I'd just bought a new vehicle two days before the accident, and was supposed to be moving in with my best friend in Summerville. Now I don't know how to manage everything. Luckily Tina says my room will be waiting for me, but I'm hoping that I can at least get a paycheck so that I can help with the bills and get down there ASAP.

Tonight has been the typical night... Making the trek from the couch to the bathroom, which seems to stretch away from me like in the movies when someone sees something and the distance just seems to magnify itself... Rather than being 20ft away, it seems as though it stretches out for miles. Each step with the walker sends a jolt to the broken pelvis, and shoots pain in to my left hip. I can't wait for a time where it won't hurt as badly. I see where everyone's talking about the colder weather, and I wish I could experience it, too. I haven't been outside since I was released from the hospital. I can't manage the steps with my walker, and there's absolutely no way I can do it without it. Mom said she may come pick me up Friday and take me to her house for the weekend. How pathetic has my life become when a field trip to my mother's house sounds super exciting? I just wonder how I would smoke there. I don't think I could manage going outside constantly with the walker. It's painful enough to take 4 or 5 trips in a day to the bathroom.

Speaking of which, tonight, I went to the bathroom and slipped. I ended up putting my left leg down and bearing my weight on it to catch myself. I felt something crack, and have been having severe pain in my left leg ever since. I'm hoping it'll go away soon, and that I didn't mess anything up.

Start Each Day With A Grateful Heart

I'm trying to stay positive about things. It's so difficult when you go from feeling like you're on top to being right at the bottom. I was doing so well for myself. 21 years old with a college degree and a county job.. And now, I'm stuck. I can't do much of anything. What my doctor hasn't restricted, the pain takes care of. But all in all, I have to be thankful that I am here. I'm alive, when very easily, I could have not survived the accident. That's more of a slap in the face than anything as far as giving me a reality check. Yes, I'm in a horrible place now, but I will get better eventually. Seeing pictures and remembering details of the accident, I could have very easily died. I thank God that I am still here. A few very dear friends have told me that something good will come of this, and I'm going to try to keep that mentality. I woke up in a very depressed mood, but upon checking my messages, saw this:

"You're going to be something great. That's not just fluff. I'd bet my life on it."

I mulled over that for a few minutes, and it brought tears to my eyes. I have the greatest group of family and friends, and friends that seem more like family. If someone else has this much faith in me, why don't I? I need to adjust my attitude. Channel all of my negativity into doing something productive that can help people.

Anyone who knows me knows that while I may sometimes hate it, all in all, I loved my job. It kills me to think I may not ever be able to go back to it, but maybe I can find another way to help people.

On another note, last night was rough, but not as bad as the others. I slept in the recliner, but slept through my scheduled pain medication, so I woke up in agony. Agony may seem like a dramatic word, but "in pain", "miserable", "hurting", don't describe what I was feeling. Thank God Mimi was close by and able to give me my meds. It's been an hour since I woke up and the pain is still about a 7/10. Hopefully it'll get better throughout the day. At least, sleeping in the recliner, I didn't roll over on to my bad side or anything. But when I woke up and had to make it to the bathroom, I was whimpering with every step. My arms are building up muscle from using the walker, but I'm really feeling the break on the right side of my pelvis now. Not to mention the pain in my left hip was horrendous. It took me about 8 minutes to get to the bathroom which is right next to the living room.

Well, my friend is here. Time for some cheering up.

• • 
    

Title is Irrelevant.

Today has been a difficult day. I'm fighting with the depression worse than ever. I hate that I can't just get in a car and go somewhere, or even walk in to the kitchen to get a drink. I rely on my family and friends to do my bidding, and my walker to help me get to where I need to go. However, if I need to go more than a few feet, I get lightheaded. I'm missing out on so much. There was a Halloween party in Charleston last night that I'd been looking forward to, had even purchased a great costume for, and instead, was stuck on the couch watching movies. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, and I won't be able to participate in anything. I'm 21 years old. I should be out partying it up. But instead, I'm stuck in one spot because it hurts to move. The pain is greater than I ever could have imagined. I can't get comfortable, and I'm miserable.

One of my coworkers came by today. It was nice to see her. I think my visitors are the only thing keeping me positive. When they're here, it's like for a little bit, every thing is normal. Except the pain. It never goes away. The worst part is knowing that to some extent, it will always be there. I was warned by the doctors that I will have major arthritis in my hip for the rest of my life, and that in 2-5 years I will need a hip replacement. So before I'm 30, I'll be having a hip replacement. What happened to my life?

It's so miserable to be stuck inside all of the time. I'd give just about anything to be able to go back to work, even though I know I couldn't physically do the job right now. I just miss feeling like a productive member of society. Instead, I feel useless, helpless, and hopeless. When does it get better?

It seems the nights are going to be hardest to get through..

Rough night again last night. I woke up at 6am for my scheduled dose (supposed to be every 3 hours). I took it, but then managed to knock them off the bedside table. When I reached for them, I knocked them behind the bed. It's now 1pm, and I'm just getting pain meds. Took hours for me to be able to get up, fish them out, and make it to the recliner in the living room. I'm over tired and in so much pain I could cry. Last night, Mimi even tucked me in with thick padding of blankets so I wouldn't roll on to my bad side, but apparently I can even find a way around that to make things miserable. Last night definitely forced the decision that I will be sleeping in the recliner from now on. Let's hope it gets a little better, because I can't deal with many more nights like that.

Yesterday I finally got a shower, though. Sponge baths are just not acceptable to me. Mimi helped me put my bedside commode in to the shower so I could take one. It was a major blow to my dignity, but it was nice to be able to have at least a little bit of independence.

I've been rotting away for several days now, I'm thinking it's time to get productive. I'm going to try to get my uncle to go to my house and dig out my woodburning kit, but I don't know how much I'll be able to do from this couch. Maybe I'd be better off asking him to grab me my crocheting supplies. I have to find something to do to battle this feeling of being utterly useless.

A Glimpse In to the Life.. Then & Now.

This was the last picture I took before the wreck. My buddy William and I. I miss looking like this.


















These were a few pictures I took while in the hospital. I had the greatest support system in the world. Wish I'd taken more pictures.

This was taken by one of my best friends, Kerry. My first full day in the hospital. I was in the recovery room after my hip surgery. I've been described as "hardheaded" "spunky" and "tough". The common consensus on this picture was "That's our girl!" I tried my best to stay strong for everyone else. And more than anything, I was trying to convey to my loved ones that I'm still me.

Here, we have Scott & I. He's a very dear friend who is a firefighter. We've run many a call together. He was such great support through all of it, and there from beginning to end. This was the second day in t

he hospital, still in recovery room due to lack of beds.

This is my very best friend, Tina. I was so glad when she finally made it to see me. She's been one of my biggest supporters, and I love her to death. This was Day 4 in the hospital. My shiners were finally starting to heal.

This is also one of my best friends, Rachael. She took time away from her 4 precious baby girls to come visit me. She helped me make a jail break, the one and only time I got to see the great outdoors while I was incarcerated.. I mean, in the hospital. This was Day 6. My eye was still swollen, and the pain was great, but going outside made it a little better.

This was Day 8 in the hospital. I'd had the stitches removed from my eyebrow and under my right eye. This was also the day after the IV fiasco, where I was so dehydrated that they couldn't get an IV in until one of the few decent nurses I had was finally able to get a line. She secured it with gauze because she made sure we weren't going to lose that one too! This was, thankfully, my last night there.

This was my last picture taken at Richland. I was dying for a cigarette, and I was inspired by someone to "grab a cigarette and flip them the one finger salute", so I did. I was so glad to be getting out of there. The pain sucks, but my spirit is so much better at home. Something about a familiar environment and having people around that care helps out.

And so it begins..

Last night was rough. The evening was great, Ashley came back over and spent a few hours with me, we laughed quite a bit. Always nice to have company. Stayed up with Mimi watching movies and we watched American Horror Story (the first two episodes). Definitely freaky. Then I went to bed, which proved to be more horrifying than the tv show. After the 10 minutes it takes to maneuver the walker down the hallway and in to my room, I got settled in to the bed. I have always been one to sleep on my side, but have been having to sleep on my back since the accident. I managed to find a halfway comfortable position, laying on my right side with a body pillow between my legs to stabilize my hips. After about 2 hours, I woke up in so much pain I was crying. Luckily, it was time for my next dose of pain medication anyways, so I took it, waited for it to kick in, and went back to sleep.

This is where it got bad.. For some reason, my body got brave, and I rolled on to my left side in my sleep. I woke up gasping for air, and the pain was equal to the night the accident happened. I cried for a few hours, not wanting to wake anyone up. I took another pain pill, and it didn't do much to relieve it. Once I was able to calm myself, I read for a while, but was unable to actually get out of bed until noon, when Mimi came in and gave me a muscle relaxer and another pain pill. It wasn't that I couldn't get out of bed because I was tired, but because the pain was too great for me to even be able to move. I foresee me sleeping in the recliner for a while, until this gets better.

But on a lighter note, I woke up to a few phone calls where people are wanting to come visit. I absolutely love visitors. When coworkers and friends come by, it's like for a little while, I have my life back. I'm not just some gimp who can't do anything for themselves. I'm actually myself, and can laugh through the pain, even if only for a little while.

Quote for the day:

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does."

William James

Day 1 at home

I can't express how good it feels to be out of the hospital. I swear, those were the longest 1o days of my life. Most of the doctors and nurses seemed like they didn't care about doing their jobs. From leaving me in painful positions to go gossip in the hallway, to withholding pain medications until I was crying hysterically from pain, to just flat out ignoring calls for help, it was a horrible experience. I had a few great nurses who made it a little easier, but for the most part, I was absolutely miserable.

Today is the first full day of being home, and it's been okay so far. The pain is still rough, but slightly more tolerable, since my grandmother is making sure I actually get my medications when I'm supposed to. Tina, Heather, and Ashley have all been by today, which made it great. They say laughter is the best medicine, and I agree wholeheartedly. My support system has been wonderful through all of this.

I do hate that I put so many people through emotional turmoil with this though. I know it's affected a lot of my coworkers and I hate that. But they did a great job at taking care of me on scene, and have been wonderful support. I just wish I could take away their demons.

I find it funny though, that all the time I wish I had more time off to do the things I enjoy, like reading, but now that I have basically infinite time to read, I can't really focus on them. I want to go back to work.

It's so hard to find positions that are comfortable. If something is comfortable for 5 minutes, 5 minutes later, it may be excruciating.

I had my first visit from my home health nurse and my physical therapist today. I'm not a fan. They're nice, but I'm pretty sure some of the things the physical therapist had me attempting to do violate the Geneva Convention. This is going to be a long few weeks. I think it'll at least be a little better when I can put some weight on my left leg. With the left hip being broken and me unable to put weight on the leg per doctor's orders, I have to bear everything on the right leg, which has a fracture on the right side of my pelvis. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Let's hope this goes by quickly.

Up until now...

So much has happened in the last week and a half. I never thought that I would be down and out with a broken hip and pelvis at 21 years old. Aren't broken hips supposed to only happen to old people?

I was in a wreck at work in an ambulance, and long story short, I was hurt. My left hip socket was broken in to 4 pieces when the head of my femur smashed through it. Also have a fracture to my pelvis on the right side. When it happened, I could hardly focus on anything other than how the pain was the most severe I'd ever felt in my life. I can remember all too clearly the details of what happened to me during the accident, but I'd rather not go in to it. My coworkers were amazing at caring for me during the transport to the hospital.

I went to the local hospital first, where I was put through several scans and they revealed what was, at the time, my worst fear, that my hip was broken. I was then transported by ground to a trauma center.

In the trauma bay, I almost felt like I was in one of those alien abduction movies. I was laid out on a table in the middle of a huge room with doctors and nurses bustling around. I can't remember too much, but I do remember quite clearly when the doctor had to put the stitches in my cheek and above my right eye. I was then sedated so that they could put my leg in traction to put the hip back in joint. The next morning, bright and early, I was taken in for surgery to put pins and plates in to my broken hip. After that, I sat in the recovery room for 30+ hrs since there were no beds available. Quite awkward trying to visit with all those who cared enough to come when I could only have visitors for a few minutes at a time every few hours. I was so overwhelmed by how many people took time out of their lives to come visit me. I have no doubt that it helped me get through the darker times.

I was finally put in a regular room, and I'm going to skip all of the horror stories that came about while I was in that facility, but just know I will never be visiting that hospital again by choice. It was horrid.

But alas, I made it home (my grandmother's house) yesterday evening. It's so much better to be at home. The pain is still rough to deal with, but a familiar environment makes it much easier to deal with.

I decided to start this blog to chronicle my recovery, and to give me some sort of creative outlet since I can't do much beyond sit on the couch.

Since I've been home, my spirits have improved greatly. I've already had a few friends stop by, and it's still overwhelming that so many people care. I never had any idea that I meant this much to some people. But it's an amazing feeling. I won't be able to return to work for at least a year, so I have to find something productive to do. I've been looking at some online classes, so we'll see how it goes.

I am battling some major depression though. It's difficult to go from being always on the go to being confined to the house. I've even had to start taking muscle relaxers to stop the spasms in my legs. The nurses said it was because my body is used to go-go-go and now, being confined to bed/couch, it's having trouble adjusting.

Sometimes I just feel like a burden on everyone else. I can't work, I can't get up and get things for myself, I can't do the things I enjoy. But I'm here. Which is something to be grateful for. Seeing the vehicle I was in, it's almost a shock that I am here. And I'm already moving around with a walker. I know it's going to be a long road to recovery, and I'll probably never be the same, but maybe this is my opportunity to make some changes.

Quote for the day:

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.

Samuel Johnson