Game Over. Restart?

"Quit Game", "Restart", anyone who plays video games is pretty familiar with those two options. I wish I had one. Is there a point at which I can say, "Ok, I quit. I've had enough"? I wish. It's like when you see in a movie and a woman is giving birth. She states she's going to do it naturally, then starts screaming for an epidural. Can I do that? Is there any way to make it better or just make it be over? I'm so very tired of all of this. I hate not being able to walk. I hate not being able to bend over and pick up something I may have dropped. I hate not being able to go in to certain rooms because there isn't room for my walker to get through. I hate not being able to get on the floor to race matchbox cars with my little brother. And most of all, I'm tired of the pain. I want my life back. This would be easier to deal with if it were my fault, because then I could be mad at myself. I could think that maybe there was something I could have done differently. Instead, there's absolutely nothing I could have done differently. I can't blame it on my partner, because it wasn't his fault either. Actually, it was sort of no one's fault. It would have happened at some point or another, and it just happened when I was back there. In a way, I want to ask, "Why me?" but then I think about it, and I realize that I'm glad it was me. Although the wreck took away a lot of things from me, such as basic enjoyment of life, my ability to walk temporarily, my livelihood, my security of riding in a vehicle (I get paranoid now), I wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone else. I wouldn't want anyone else to have to go through this. There are people in this world that I dislike, but none enough that I would have wished this upon them. And although a lot was taken from me, I was given a lot through this wreck.

I spent the weekend with my parents, as usual, and last night as I was laying down for bed, I was thinking about all of the things that were taken away. I was mentally compiling a list. Then I was given the pictures of the ambulance to give to my lawyer, and I looked through them. It changed my mind set. I realized just how lucky I am to still be alive. I turned from being morose to being thankful. As I said before, I was given a lot through the accident as well. I was blessed with the knowledge of finding out which friends were true, who I could count on; it gave me time with my family (which I never seemed to have enough of before); it revealed that I have somewhat of a talent with my pyrography; it's allowed me to come up with this fundraiser (details to follow); it's allowing me to be home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, since I haven't in several years; I've learned that my coworkers are the greatest; I've learned that there is a guy out there that cares enough to sit on the couch with me for hours, but doesn't care about my injury and doesn't think differently of me for it; I've learned that a co-worker I previously just enjoyed working with is outstanding moral support, and has upgraded to the title of best friend (as cheesy as it may be); I've gotten in touch with my best friend from growing up and rekindled our friendship.. So many blessings have come out of this. So although I may not be able to enjoy some things for the next year or so, I have learned so many lessons through this, and it's worth the pain to know what I know now.

Insomnia is not my friend.

The title says it all. Insomnia is not my friend, no matter how many times it insists on hanging around me. It's 0300 and I'm wide awake (after 200mg of Trazodone), watching American Horror Story with my granddad. This is the life. Somewhat.

Last night, I could not get to sleep to save my life. I tried everything. Even doubled up and took 400mg of Trazodone. I was still awake until 9 a.m. When I did get to sleep, I tossed and turned and couldn't get comfortable. Guess that's the worst part of being hurt on both sides of my hips. I woke up in pain finally around 1630. Now, I'm still wide awake.

Other than that, I'm just spending my time woodburning and reading. Pyrography is the only thing that actually completely takes my mind off of the pain.

Short entry tonight. Not much exciting news in the life right now. Just me and the couch, which is my friend.

It's been a while since I could hold my head up high...

I know I haven't written in a few days. I've been reminded by a few people. I greatly appreciate their reminders though, because it also reminds me that someone is reading.

So, I was super excited to get out of the house Saturday and go to the craft show with Mom, Mimi, and Isabella. It went pretty well, and we went to Big Lots afterward. I was already hurting when we left the show, but I trucked on. By the time we finished at Big Lots, I'd been 6 hours without pain medication. I was tired of being treated like I was just a pill head and taking the meds when I didn't really need them, so I didn't take them. I was miserable. When we got back to Mom's house, I was getting out of the Envoy and when I stepped out with my right leg, I felt and heard a snap. I couldn't catch my breath, the pain was so bad. I started sobbing and screaming every time I had to take a step and bear my weight on the right leg. Keep in mind, this is supposed to be my good leg. After sitting on Mom's front porch in a chair for almost half an hour waiting for my pain meds to kick in, I started to realize that they weren't going to work this time. They had to put me in my wheelchair and wheel me inside. I wasn't having any pain whatsoever on my left side, where I normally hurt, but all on my right. I couldn't sit or stand comfortably. I finally gave in and called Shaun to see what he thought. He said he thought I needed to go to the ER. I didn't want to, but I figured I needed to see if maybe I'd hurt something even more. Mom refused to drive me, so Shaun and Ashley came to get me. When I got to the ER, I was put in a room, and the doc gave me two shots of dilaudid. It didn't even touch it. As long as I didn't move my leg at all, the pain was tolerable, but any sort of jostle or bump and I was back in tears. Ashley drove about 30mph the whole way in for fear of hurting me. For the record, she did a great job. I had X-rays done (the funny part of this will come out once I catch up) and the doc stated that either I "reinjured the pelvic fracture, or it just wasn't healing right in the first place." I was leaning toward a reinjure, because I figured I would have had the pain all along if it 'just wasn't healing right'. But, hey, I'm just an EMT. What do I know, right?

I was discharged with no changes to pain medication and orders to do absolutely no weight bearing on either side until I see my orthopedic surgeon (Tucker). I went back home with Mimi, and was in tears just from slight movement. She gave me vicoprofen, and surprisingly, I got relief. Even when the Roxicodone and Percocet wouldn't work.

Fast forward to today, when I visited Dr. Tucker. He came in, looked at my X-rays from TRMC and asked what happened. I explained to him that I stepped out, and heard a snap. When I indicated my right leg during the explanation, he was looking at my X-ray, and freaked out, saying, "You shouldn't be bearing ANY weight on that leg!" I looked at him, confused, and told him that that's the only way I can get around. He then asked if the right side was the one he did surgery on, and I said no. He said he'd thought so, but apparently TRMC labelled my X-rays wrong, showing the reconstruction on the right and the fracture on the left. Way to go, TRMC. So he ordered more X-rays, and basically told me that the calcium that was forming over the fracture (which is directly under the tendon that connects my femur to my hip) was broken loose by the tendon. He also said the 'tendon is pissed off'. I'm not sure what that means, but then again, I'm not a doctor, so maybe I'm not supposed to. I explained to him that the Nucynta didn't work, and he looked at me like I had four heads, stating that I'm the only patient he's had that it didn't work for. In the end, he wrote me a script for vicoprofen, saying that the anti-inflammatory would be good for it, and told me to stay off of my right leg as much as possible, so that the 'pissed off tendon' can 'calm down' and to call him in two weeks for re-evaluation. In the meantime, no physical therapy, and as little mobility as possible. This is going to be a long two weeks.

So, here I am, parked on my usual spot on the couch, and trying to work on some new crafts to occupy my mind. Maybe, in two weeks, I'll be able to get around a little more.

In the meantime, if anyone knows what a 'pissed off tendon' is, PLEASE enlighten me.

What Goes Around Comes Around

I slept through the night last night without taking any pain medications. Mom woke me up around 8 before she went to work to give me my morning cocktail, and surprisingly, I didn't feel like I was about to die. Maybe today is going to be a good day after all. Except for the fact that I woke back up at 1045 with acid reflux so sever that I felt like I was going to spit fire. It's getting horrible. The docs put me on Nexium two weeks ago, but it doesn't seem to be helping very much. The acid burns, and in turn makes me nauseated. I got sick this morning, and am now battling that weak, shaky feeling that almost feels like the flu. I guess since I got a slight break from the pain, my body is going to find some other way to betray me. But I'm not going to let it ruin my entire day. I'm really looking forward to this crafts fair so that I can get some new ideas. I'm running low on inspiration lately.

Last night, I read a comment from one of my Mom's friends, stating that my blog was inspiring. That meant so much to me. I'm glad people are listening, and it helps me to be able to keep my head up and keep a positive outlook on things. I definitely need help with that now and then.

I did a little wood burning last night, but my hands are starting to cramp after only a little while of doing it. I'm hoping to God that I'm not developing arthritis in my hands, too. That would be the end of my sanity. Hopefully it's just from over exertion and using the walker.

Well, it's time to get the day started. Hope everyone's day is going better than mine is so far.

Everybody's Working for the Weekend....

Currently Reading: A Commune of Women

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Another weekend at Mom's. Unfortunately she has to work tomorrow. On the bright side, Dad is a nightowl like I am, so it's a continuation of my normal schedule. Mimi, Papa, and I are always up until ungodly hours in the morning (at least 2 or 3 on a normal night), so it's not much different here. Well, it is, because Dad sleeps on the couch until about that time, then goes to bed. Close enough.

I got some major pyrography done in the last few days. I'm pretty happy with how it's turning out. I'm just a perfectionist, so it's starting to be stressful. Mimi bought me a book that has some beautiful projects in it, and I hope that one day I'll be as good as that guy. Once I finish up the orders I have right now, I'm going to start working with the glass etcher. There's a crafts fair going on at the fair grounds this weekend, and Mom and Mimi are going to take me out there tomorrow. I'm pretty excited. Maybe I can get a few more ideas, and who knows... Maybe by this time next year I'll be able to have my own booth there.

Finally slept in a bed last night. It went well. Didn't have any major mishaps, and actually slept quite peacefully. I got much more sleep last night than I've had in a while, but I'm owing that to Benadryl. Since I'm out of my trazodone, I'm having to take 50-75mg of Benadryl to get to sleep at night. Tonight, the temperature is supposed to drop to 29 degrees, so I imagine that I'll be feeling pretty rough in the morning. This evening around 6 or so, I started to get a dull ache in my left hip, knee, and ankle that I'm assuming can be attributed to the weather changing yet again. I hate it. I really hope that the pain that comes before rain or when the weather changes will one day be less than it has been so far, because honestly, I don't think I could deal with that for the rest of my life. Everyone keeps saying, "Oh, but when you get your hip replacement, you won't have that problem anymore!" Papa had his hip replaced quite a few years ago, and he said he still has pain in it during those times. So I call b.s. on everyone's statement. It's so depressing when you're 21 years old and the only thing you can think of to look forward to is having a hip replacement so that maybe the pain will go away a little bit.

Christopher has been a sweetheart again today. When I got here, Mom was helping me get settled in to the chair, and she brought me a little folding table which I use to keep my wood burning tools accessible, and while she was still helping me get adjusted in the chair, he was pulling the table over to me. Katlin tried to help him, and he said, "No! I do this!" I think it's so cute that he's such a good helper to his big sister. A few minutes later, he came out of his room and asked me, "Do you want me to bring you one of my stuffed animals? Because I'll bring you one." I told him he could if he wanted to, and he brought out a toy that looks like a baby wearing a yellow duck costume, and asked if I wanted one like that. I told him I'd take whatever he brought me. He looked at it, turned around, went back in his room, and brought me out a black stuffed monkey that's holding a rose and has a red ribbon around his neck. About 5 minutes later, he brought me a teddy bear. Then he brought out these two tiny stuffed rabbits, and said, "This one is you... and this one is me!" And made them hug. I thought that was the sweetest thing. Later on, Mom told him to lay on the couch (how he normally goes to sleep, snuggling with Mom until he falls asleep and they take him to bed). He told her he wanted to lay with me, and Mom told him I didn't have room, since I had my supplies all over my lap and the rest of the chair, but I cleared everything off and told him he could come over with me if he wanted to, and he did. I told him I would always make room for my Monkey.

I know this might sound incredibly morbid, but throughout all of this that's going on, I had to face my own mortality. I'm learning that things can all be gone in the blink of an eye. So I sat here and wrote Christopher a letter, and will continue to do so every few weeks or so, and keep them in a box for him, so that if something should ever happen to me, he'll have those to look over and remember how much his big sister loves him. I'm also planning on doing the same with the people I'm closest to. I'd hate for something to happen to me and have them not know how I felt about them. I'm trying to make it a point to show my friends and family how much they mean to me, but I feel like it doesn't always get through. Not to mention, I'd just like them to have one last thing to remember me by.

I've been brainstorming about a way to create some sort of fundraiser or volunteer program. I'm wanting to find a way to give back. I'd really like to find a way to help out children who are either suffering from debilitating diseases or just children in need. I always see people trying to do things for children/families in other countries, but what about the ones right here in the USA? I don't mean the families who refuse to do anything for themselves because the government provides for them, I mean families who are genuinely trying to make a way to provide for themselves and their children, but are unable to. Maybe a sick parent, or a sick child belonging to a family that can't afford to get the medicine, food, etc. that they need. I'm sort of drawing a blank so far as to what can be done, but I hate thinking of families like this going without basic necessities. Earlier tonight, I went outside to take a smoke break, and was thinking about how cold it was, and how inconvenient that I had to wear a blanket around my shoulders, because with a walker, it's very difficult to hold on to it and not trip. Then, I thought, there are children and families out there that are freezing. I'm mentally complaining about being in the cold for 5 minutes, when there are people who don't have heaters. I complain that my meds make me nauseated, but there are people in just as much pain as I am, or sicker, and can't afford any medications. Although I'm in a rough spot, I still have it good compared to some. I want to find some way to give back. There aren't really any programs locally that I could participate in, because this county doesn't offer anything of that nature. If anyone has any ideas, feel free to leave a comment. Maybe a Big Brother/ Big Sister program would be an idea. Or a food drive. I'm blabbering. Forgive me.

Other than that, it's a SSDD sort of deal. A woman from my law office called today to "check on my progress and see how I'm doing." She asked if I'd followed up with my doctor, and I told her I'd seen the ophthalmologist, my orthopedic surgeon, and my trauma surgeon. She then asks, "So have you been cleared to go back to work yet?" Seriously? I wish! Apparently she's quite unfamiliar with the seriousness of a shattered hip. I can't even bear weight on that leg, much less be cleared to go back to work. People never cease to amaze me. You'd think, before calling, they would try to at least read the information in my file. She didn't even know what (if anything) was broken. But, it is what it is. This is Orangeburg after all.

I'm very excited about the crafts fair tomorrow. To be honest though, I haven't liked to go out in public, because, as shallow as it sounds, I don't like being seen in a wheelchair, and it's even worse to have to be in public using a walker. I'm 21 years old, not 90. I've noticed that people tend to look at me with pity in their eyes, which I cannot stand. I don't want to be pitied. I'm trying hard to be strong through this, and I think I'm doing pretty well at it, but when someone looks at me with pity in their eyes, it hurts. It really does. I feel so small.

Well, I'm going to try to get some sleep. Hope everyone has a good night.

P.S. Since I've been reading a lot as well, I'm going to make sure to post whatever I'm currently reading, which I'm sure you noticed at the top. When I finish the book and move on to a new one, I'll post a review at the end of the blog, just in case anyone's looking for something to read.

Moving Forward

Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been having major issues with sleep lately. I'll be so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, but when I try to go to sleep, I can't quite get there. I've been up until 4-5 a.m. for the last few nights, and only sleeping an hour or two. Except this morning, I slept until noon, but missed two doses of pain medication and was absolutely miserable. Also, for the last two days, I've been fighting with myself, because no matter what I do, how I sit, how I lay, I can't get my left hip comfortable. It's so miserable. I've been trying to stay busy so I won't think about it much, but it's hard to do anything when you just cannot get comfortable. I guess my nerves are starting to reattach themselves, because I'm also having shooting pains from my hip to my ankle, and a painful tingling feeling that moves up and down my leg. I'm still having some pretty rough issues with pain in my left knee. Isn't it wonderful, I developed arthritis in my left ankle several years ago after breaking it twice, and now my left hip is going to have arthritis after it heals (not to mention the hip replacement in a few years) and I think it's developing in my knee as well. My left side is obviously not my lucky side.

On another note, the Nucynta that my orthopedic surgeon started me on is not working. He said that he doesn't like for his patients to be on narcotics, and since Nucynta is an opiod, it's preferrable. He supposedly prescribed it because it doesn't have the undesirable side effects that Roxicodone and Percocet have (all pain medications make me nauseated and I end up getting sick, so I have been on Phenergen every 4 hours since I got out of the hospital). However, the Nucynta gave me the same issues, and absolutely no pain relief. So I'm back to the normal regimen. Every now and then I'm able to push past the normal times for medicating, but not often. It's usually when I'm having a good day and have lots of distractions, but then I start having major pain and realize that I'm overdue. I wake up in the mornings so stiff and in pain. It takes me a while to get up and get moving once my pain meds kick in.

I'll be staying at my parents' house again this weekend. It's nice to be able to spend time with them. My woodburning is coming along great, and the nightmares have taken a hiatus. Hopefully a permanent one. Maybe things are going to start getting better. At least, I can hope.

"It ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward." Rocky Balboa

The Little Things

I've had a lot of time to think since the accident, and it's made me realize that there are a lot of things I took for granted. Family time and friends are two things I haven't had much time for in the last year or so, but since the accident, I can usually count on having at least one visitor a day, and I spend weekends at Mom and Dad's. My friends and coworkers have been absolutely amazing. And I've enjoyed spending my weekends with Mom, Dad, Christopher, and Katlin.

Since some people may not be familiar with my family dynamics and I can't remember if I've already explained, but they're my younger siblings. Christopher is 5 (6 in December) and Katlin is 7. Christopher has been an amazing help to me since the accident. For example, when Dad came to pick me up Friday evening, I hobbled out to the car with my oh-so-stylish walker clanking and attempting to cause me to slip on every rock in between the door and my SUV (I swear, if it's not carpet, maneuvering that walker can be just as difficult as riding a mechanical bull). I finally got in to the passenger seat, and Christopher said, "I got a book from the liberry today.. Will you read it to me? It's about ameeances (ambulances)." I told him of course I would, and asked why he got that particular book. He responded with, "Because I love you." It almost brought me to tears, and instantly all of my frustration about not being able to get around well just went away for a few minutes. When we got back to the house (I'll have to fill in the rest of the 'just getting home' story later in this post), he asked me to read him the book. This kid is smart, so I figured I'd elaborate more than the book did. It's called Tools We Use: EMTs. Apparently it's a series that shows all types of careers. Throughout the book, which had very vague one-sentence pages, I was pointing things out to him and explaining them to him. I was amazed at how intrigued he seemed by the book. The next day, he "read" the book to Mom and pointed out all sorts of things. "That's a defibalator."So great. Saturday, at one point, he was running to his bedroom, stopped in his tracks (I'm surprised there weren't skidmarks), and turned around, moved my walker within my reach, and continued on his run to his room. Little moments that make my heart melt.

But back to the "when we first got home". Mom was crying, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. She grabbed Dad's hand and pulled him in to her bedroom. From the way she was crying, I thought a family member had passed away. So I went in there, and got down on my knees beside her, holding her and stroking her hair, trying to comfort her. She was crying so hard she couldn't talk, and Dad said what sounded like, "She shot the cat." I was wondering who in the world trusted my mother with a gun. Then I realized she "shocked" the cat. She was using an electrical appliance that had raw spots on the cord, and the cat bit on to it. To make the long story short, he's fine. Burnt his tongue, but the vet said he should be good to go in about a week.

Saturday night, Mom arranged a make-up Halloween party for me. It was great. So nice to have everyone together and just goofing off. I even got to throw on my Robin costume. In the Batman comics, Robin's family were trapeze artists, and all fell to their deaths from the highwire. I told everyone I was the Robin that fell along with his family, but survived. Seems legit, right? I laughed more that night than I have in a long time. It felt great. However, I definitely paid for it that night. Around 11, my back and hip started throbbing. It was miserable to go from standing to sitting or from sitting to standing. That night, I couldn't get to sleep to save my life. I dozed for about 10 minutes two or three times, but each time, I either woke up from nightmares or sweating profusely. The night sweats are horrible. It's almost like hot flashes, that last 30-45 minutes. The doctors say it's probably a side effect of the medications. It's one of the worst things about this, because if I get too hot, I'll end up vomiting.

Sunday went pretty well, too. I worked on some exercises from the woodburning book Mimi bought me, and I think they turned out pretty well. I've been getting a few orders from my site, and it's really perking my mood up. I actually feel useful when I get going with the wood burning. It's getting more difficult though, because my hands are getting horribly sore from the walker. The bases of my palms throb most of the time, and it's getting harder and harder to use the walker to get around because of it. When one thing gets a tiny bit better, something else goes wrong.

And that brings us to today, which has started off fairly well. For once, I woke up not stiff and miserable. I'm loathe to say that though, because when I say I'm having a good day, I usually end up eating my words shortly after. Since my physical therapist will be here any minute, I don't think it's too far fetched to say that I'll be in more pain soon. I slept fairly well last night, and I'm assuming that's from the lack of sleep Saturday night.

Well, the devil's walking up the porch steps. I have to go to the dungeon for torture now. Hope everyone has a good day!

Aggravation.

Today sucked. I woke up at 8am after falling asleep sometime around 0530 to go to the doctor. My appointment was originally at 1315, but they called and rescheduled for 1030. We got there on time, in fact, a few minutes early. We didn't see a doctor until almost noon. I was supposed to see my "trauma doctor" who was in charge of my case at Richland, whom I'd never met or seen. I found it funny that he's "in charge" of me, but has never so much as checked on me. Well, turns out, he wasn't there. I was going to be seeing the head trauma doctor. Then, for some reason, I get yet another doctor. This one walks in and says, "What can I do for you today?" I couldn't help it... I looked at him like he was stupid, and said, "I don't know. You tell me. I don't even know why the f*** I'm here, other than that they told me I needed to be." He said since I was a trauma patient, I needed to be followed up with by a trauma doctor. They checked nothing other than my blood pressure, and really had nothing of consequence to say. Biggest waste of time ever.

Then, my mom tried to take my prescriptions to CVS to get filled, and they asked why I needed those medications, what was wrong with me? How about none of their damned business?? Who do they think they are asking questions like that? Fill the bottle and shut your nosey mouth! Well, turns out they lost the paperwork they needed to fill them. So Mom was going to pick up the scripts and take them to another pharmacy. Turns out, CVS oh-so-conveniently lost one of them.

Needless to say, it's been a rough day. Too much drama and b.s. I'm just ready to go to sleep and hope tomorrow is a better day.

And the plot thickens...

Last night wasn't a good night. I slept wonderfully, passing out around 10pm, which is almost unheard of for me, and I slept until almost noon with the exception of waking up to take my meds. However, my dreams plagued me yet again. I had a dream focusing on someone that I've tried very hard for 10 months now not to think about, and in the dream, he died. I was quite upset, in the dream, and in real life. It left me in a down mood for most of the morning.

My physical therapist came today. I got great news. It all went really well, and she mentioned that she's going to ask the doctor if I can be cleared after Monday since I've mastered the exercises. She said that there's nothing else she can work on with me since I'm still non-weight bearing. Nothing would change other than the amount of weight in the ankle weights while exercising. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Two of my very good friends came over today and brought their daughter with them. She's absolutely gorgeous. It brightened my mood a little, but nothing can really fully clear up the damper that the dream put on my mood for today. Nevertheless, it was wonderful to see them!

Kerry is over here now, and it's been fun to just hang out. I just wish I could shake the negative mood. It's not going away too easily today. The last thing I needed was for that person to be brought to the forefront of my mind.

Luckily, today wasn't so bad pain-wise. It was tolerable. I could definitely go for more days like today, but I'll probably pay for it tomorrow. I have an appointment with my trauma doc in the morning. Hoping for another good report.

Humor is the key. But apparently some people can't handle it.

I had the strangest nightmares last night. It was a welcomed change from reliving the accident, but I swear, the nightmares I had were something Stephen King would come up with while on an acid trip. The first one featured me and my coworkers on floor 72 of an 80+ story building in Columbia. There was a flash flood, and the news showed what looked like the movie scenes during a tsunami, with the water white capping and rushing around corners of buildings. A few of my coworkers were in the parking lot of the building trying to get in, but there were security guards who were not letting them in. I was trying to get down to the floor level to let them in, but I couldn't. Then I was awoken to take my scheduled pain meds. When I went back to sleep, there was something about being in an old house with my grandparents and a few friends, and there was a murderous ghost that was killing everyone off one by one. It ended up coming down to Mimi, Pepaw, and I, and we were the only ones still alive. I killed a gnat between my thumb and pointer finger, while somehow sucked the power out of the ghost, so we were trying to pack the bare essentials of our stuff and get out of the house before he built his power back up, but I dropped the gnat, and he regained his power before we could get out. Then Mimi woke me up to go to the doctor's appointment. I'm telling you guys, it was insane. I wish I could remember more details, but it was the kind of nightmare that leaves you with that feeling of dread long after you wake up.

Anyways, to flash forward. We headed to Columbia to finally see my orthopedic surgeon. As we were in the waiting room, my worker's comp case manager came in. I'd forgotten she was supposed to be attending all doctor's visits with me. While we were waiting to be called back, I was just talking, and everyone was cracking up. She asked how physical therapy was going, and I said, "Well, she's nice enough, but I'm pretty sure she's the antichrist." She looked at me like I was crazy. Long story short, she told me and Mimi that she was used to dealing exclusively with my mother, and was completely unprepared for us. It's true, my mom is nothing like Mimi and I. But, oh well. So, the nurse came and got us, and took us back, and the case manager asked if I wanted her to wait outside until they took the staples out, and I said, "No! If you have to be here, you might as well enjoy the gory show." She looked pretty uncomfortable again. After a visit full of laughs, we asked her if she was coming to my other appointment Thursday, and she said no, that she was a little overwhelmed by us and didn't think she could handle two appointments with us in one week. Problem = solved. I guess we traumatized her enough that she won't be coming back. Works for me. The doctor pretty much gave me a clean report, said that my incision looks great and there are no signs of infection. I have another appointment in 4 weeks, and he said they'll be doing X-rays, and I may be able to start partial weight bearing on my left leg. I've been having some severe pain in my left knee, and when I told him about it, he said I'm just having referred pain from my hip. I call bullshit, because the hip hurts, too. I know the difference in referred pain and actual pain. My knee hurts. How hard is that to understand? I wouldn't be surprised if when they do X-rays, they find something wrong in that knee. But, hey, what do I know. I mean, it's only my body, you know? I'm so glad the staples are out though. It feels slightly better since I no longer have pieces of metal pulling my skin every time I move. The sites of the staples were pretty red and rough looking, but the orthosurgeon insisted, "They look great!" I'm pretty sure he was crazy. Or at least halfway ignorant. He wouldn't listen to anything I said. He wants me to change pain medications, because it apparently offended him to know that I've been taking phenergan every 4 hours. He wasn't happy when I told him that, and when he asked why, I informed him it's because of the pain medications making me so nauseated. He then insisted that the side effects from my current pain medication (Roxycodone and Percocet) were not healthy, so he wrote a prescription for Nucynta, a new pain medication that hasn't been around too long, so that I wouldn't have to deal with the side effects from the current meds. Funny, after some research upon arriving at home, Nucynta has the same side effects. The man has obviously never heard the saying, "If it aint broke, don't fix it." I'll give it a try, but I will not be a happy camper if I have to deal with all of the same things. He did inform me that it will be another 3 months or so before I'll be at full weight bearing status with my left leg, then I'll be starting my outpatient rehab.

After leaving the doctor's office, we went to Hobby Lobby. I got a few more things to work on project wise, including things to make greeting cards, wedding invitations, baby shower invitations, christening announcements, etc. Just something else to add to my little business page. I'm truly enjoying getting to do these things. It's so much more rewarding than just sitting around. But I have to admit, so far, the most rewarding thing of all has been chasing off the case manager. I'm quite proud of being able to shock her so badly. She said she's used to her patients being whiny and miserable, and was thoroughly unprepared for our method of dealing with things. In all honesty, humor is what gets me through things. Laughter truly is the best medicine.

It's been a long day, and I'm exhausted. Thanks for reading, and good night!