Game Over. Restart?

"Quit Game", "Restart", anyone who plays video games is pretty familiar with those two options. I wish I had one. Is there a point at which I can say, "Ok, I quit. I've had enough"? I wish. It's like when you see in a movie and a woman is giving birth. She states she's going to do it naturally, then starts screaming for an epidural. Can I do that? Is there any way to make it better or just make it be over? I'm so very tired of all of this. I hate not being able to walk. I hate not being able to bend over and pick up something I may have dropped. I hate not being able to go in to certain rooms because there isn't room for my walker to get through. I hate not being able to get on the floor to race matchbox cars with my little brother. And most of all, I'm tired of the pain. I want my life back. This would be easier to deal with if it were my fault, because then I could be mad at myself. I could think that maybe there was something I could have done differently. Instead, there's absolutely nothing I could have done differently. I can't blame it on my partner, because it wasn't his fault either. Actually, it was sort of no one's fault. It would have happened at some point or another, and it just happened when I was back there. In a way, I want to ask, "Why me?" but then I think about it, and I realize that I'm glad it was me. Although the wreck took away a lot of things from me, such as basic enjoyment of life, my ability to walk temporarily, my livelihood, my security of riding in a vehicle (I get paranoid now), I wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone else. I wouldn't want anyone else to have to go through this. There are people in this world that I dislike, but none enough that I would have wished this upon them. And although a lot was taken from me, I was given a lot through this wreck.

I spent the weekend with my parents, as usual, and last night as I was laying down for bed, I was thinking about all of the things that were taken away. I was mentally compiling a list. Then I was given the pictures of the ambulance to give to my lawyer, and I looked through them. It changed my mind set. I realized just how lucky I am to still be alive. I turned from being morose to being thankful. As I said before, I was given a lot through the accident as well. I was blessed with the knowledge of finding out which friends were true, who I could count on; it gave me time with my family (which I never seemed to have enough of before); it revealed that I have somewhat of a talent with my pyrography; it's allowed me to come up with this fundraiser (details to follow); it's allowing me to be home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, since I haven't in several years; I've learned that my coworkers are the greatest; I've learned that there is a guy out there that cares enough to sit on the couch with me for hours, but doesn't care about my injury and doesn't think differently of me for it; I've learned that a co-worker I previously just enjoyed working with is outstanding moral support, and has upgraded to the title of best friend (as cheesy as it may be); I've gotten in touch with my best friend from growing up and rekindled our friendship.. So many blessings have come out of this. So although I may not be able to enjoy some things for the next year or so, I have learned so many lessons through this, and it's worth the pain to know what I know now.